“Come on, one bite won’t kill you!”
“Oh, right, you’re on a diet. Your loss.”
“Let me guess, you have to go to the gym AGAIN?”
Unfortunately, anyone who 
has attempted to make a change to their lifestyle has probably run into this problem – saboteurs! The worst case is when the sabotage comes from family members or those you considered close friends. What sparks this behavior in people? Why would people who care about you go out of their way to make your journey tougher?
Forms of sabotage
Sabotage can happen in a variety of forms; from criticism, to guilt trips, or tempting you to stray from your plan. Basically, anything which is done in a deliberate effort to destroy or obstruct something is considered sabotage.
Why do people sabotage?
The most common answer you hear is that it’s done out of jealousy. Perhaps your friends see your progress as your body changes, or they hear you talking about how much better you feel overall, and it sparks some jealousy in them – even if they don’t want to make the same changes. This leads them to make snarky remarks or try to derail your success in an effort to feel better about their own life.
A more complex answer involves the psychological theory of cognitive dissonance. Trust me, it sounds a lot more complicated than it really is! Cognitive dissonance happens when a person experiences mental stress due to information which conflicts with their beliefs or ideas. When this dissonance is felt, we try to remove it, either by changing our own beliefs, or justifying our belief by criticizing others.
For example, your friend Steve believes that losing weight is too hard and requires too much effort, therefore has accepted the 
fact that he’ll remain overweight. Then, you suddenly start losing weight and look great. You talk about how you’ve made a few changes in your life in terms of food choices and activity. Now, Steve feels stress because his belief that losing weight is impossible has been disputed.
In order to alleviate the mental stress, Steve starts to criticize how you live your life, highlighting all the food you no longer enjoy and your lack of free time. By highlighting the negative aspects, Steve’s beliefs in how difficult the lifestyle is are restored and he feels less stressed with his decision to remain overweight.
Additional reasons people may sabotage your plans include the fact that they’re worried about losing you as a friend as you change and develop new relationships. With new interests and habits, it’s natural that you start to meet new people. This may lead your previous friends to think they’ll be replaced as they don’t have the same interests.
As a more positive spin, they may simply be concerned for your health and wellbeing. While it might be misguided and overly protective, they could be worried that what you’re doing is harmful in the long run and are voicing their concern in a less than positive way.
Ways to deal with sabotage
It seems as though sabotage will occur at some point when trying to make health changes. How you deal with it can have an impact on your relationship with the person, as well as on your own progress. Here are a few suggestions of ways to approach sabotage behavior:
1. Be honest and open. Tell the saboteur that you’re making a serious effort to changing your life for the better, and what they’re doing isn’t helping you. Let them know that their support would be appreciated. Be clear that you’re not asking them to ch
ange their own life, but rather support your decisions to do as you please without any added stress.
2. Offer to include them. Let them know how great it feels and how much fun you’re having with your progress, and ask if they’re interested in joining you once in a while. Even if it’s just for a walk, a workout, or a healthy meal, by including them in your plans they may not feel insecure about losing your friendship.
3. Take the focus off you and highlight them. In social outings a lot of attention might come your way with the changes you’ve made, and that’s great. You should be recognized for the effort you’ve put in. But, don’t forget that other people exist, too. Ask your friends about new and exciting things in their life and genuinely care about their response. Not only will this help everyone feel included, but it will show that you still care about life outside your fitness goals.
4. Remove the problem. Unfortunately, it may reach a point where you have to cut someone out of your life. If your friend doesn’t adjust and grow with you, is hindering your progress or causing you stress, you may need to say goodbye. It’s never a fun thing to do, but if it will help you in the long run, it might be the only answer. Just remember that your health and happiness is a priority and if someone is holding you back from those things they don’t deserve to be in your life.
Helpful hint: Losing weight or improving your health is a challenge and some points may be unpleasant. Avoid giving a saboteur extra fuel by staying positive. If you’re repeatedly complaining about the lifestyle, they’ll see an open door to convince you to stop.
Through your journey to improved health, you’ll face a lot of ups and downs. Hopefully those close to you don’t make it harder than it needs to be. But, knowing that sabotage will likely happen, you can plan ways to overcome it without being thrown off track.
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