Ever since I can remember I’ve been an observant guy. When I see a person around town that looks like somebody famous I always point it out to the person I’m with. Even when I was little I can remember going to the mall with my grandpa and we’d sit on a bench and people watch while my grandma and mom were busy shopping. It was at a young age I really took notice as to how different people were from one another. And now, years later, most of my people-watching gets done in between sets of heavy shoulder presses, bent over rows and hack squats.
The gym is actually an awesome place to people-watch. Just in the past week I spotted a grandma doing one arm machine preacher curls with one hand, while talking on her cell phone with the other. Apparently she was getting a head start on the 40% off Black Friday discounts on yarn down at JoAnn Fabrics. I’ve noticed the creeper; he’s a middle aged man, often still wearing his Lance Armstrong cycling spandex, who spends 3 hours in the gym just so he can talk to every girl in her early 30s the gym has to offer. Then there are the pseudo powerlifters. You know these guys: bag of chalk, knee wraps, Inzer t-shirts, thick grizzly beards, and Chuck Taylors. The only thing missing was the double layer poly squat suit. All that brutal manliness so I could watch them squat 275lb – what a bunch of beasts.
One thing I can’t quite wrap my head around is why so many fit and well-endowed women in their 20s feel the need to train like they’re prepping to be an Olympic Decathlete or in one of Greg Plitt’s workout infomercials? I watched a girl the other day go from front squats to burpees to Bosu ball push-ups to jumping jacks all within a 2 minute time span. It exhausted me just watching her do this Chinese Fire Drill.
The other thing that really stood out to me was the lack of women in the free weight area. I guess they’re afraid they’re going to bulk up and look like dude. Yeah, heard that one about 100 times too many. You would think that if you’ve been going to the same step aerobics or Zumba class the past 3 years and still can’t see your toes over your saggy tits then it might be time to find something else a bit more productive to do, don’t ya think? I guess common sense isn’t really that common after all. How is it that bodybuilders understand the simple principles of getting into shape: consistently lift heavy weight, do your cardio when needed, and follow a diet closely related to your goals, yet most women at the gym think that the elliptical, salsa dancing, or P90X is going to get them to look like Nicole Wilkins? Sorry ladies, it ain’t happening.
And it isn’t just the women who have a funny way of getting into shape. Men these days have their head so far up their ass it’s amazing they can even scan their card to get into the gym. A day will not pass that I don’t see at least a few guys doing a good 10 sets of shrugs. These same guys have also never done a deadlift or bent over barbell row yet wonder why after months and months of useless shrugging their traps still look like a 15 year old boy.
The last thing and this is actually exciting to see is the amount of ripped old guys there are these days. I guess if Jose Canseco did one good thing it was to open America’s eyes to the health and anti-aging benefits of hormone replacement therapy. I saw a guy the other day that had to be 65 years old with a body of a 35 year old. Not only was it inspiring, but a real testament to the advances of progressive medicine. The guy would have been a great advertisement for clinics like Envision Medical. Imagine if they were able to reverse aging in women! Kind of gross to think somebodies grandma could be a piece of ass again!!
T
he best part about people-watching at the gym is that no matter what city or gym I’m in, it is as if the same people seem to be following me around. Hey, at least I haven’t seen anyone in Hot Skins in a long time! Although, I think I did see them make a cameo appearance in the latest PJ Braun and Jason Genova video down at Busy Bodies. Guess that’s how they do it in South Florida, ehh Singerman?
You can follow Matt on Twitter @MattMeinrod
Hurricane Sandy was rapidly approaching Long Island. Local officials urged residents in my waterfront neighborhood of Seaford, NY to evacuate, immediately, and my good friend Ron Noreman generously offered to put me up in his home to wait out the storm. After watching the tides rise to the front steps of my home I called Ron and his wife, Nancy, and I took them up on their offer.
You might be asking why does Ronnie’s leg look like he just finished one of his epic leg days two weeks out from a show when he is just sitting on a plane? You also may be asking where is Sam Jackson when you need him to scream something ridiculous and aggressive for no reason? I don’t have any reliable information regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Jackson but I do have the back story to the absurd state of vascularity in Ronnie’s leg… other than the fact that he is still a freak at 48. As Big Ron was packing for his South East Asia tour he had a small bag of unmarked capsules on his desk that he nonchalantly ask me to pass to him. Like any other industry junkie I had to inquire as to the origin of these mystery capsules (and try to score some for myself of course). “What’s in the bag Ronnie?” I asked trying not to sound too interested. “Our new N.O. pill dude… gonna test it out during my Malaysia tour and see if it meets my standards” Ronnie replied.
If you’re like me you closely follow bodybuilding, almost too close. I listen to Heavy Muscle Radio, watch the prejudging and night shows on the Bodybuilding.com Olympia and Arnold webcast, and scroll through 15 pages on the message board play by play just to get Dave or Chris’ up to the minute opinion if Toney Freeman is ‘on’ or ‘off’ in the 1 of 12 different contests the 46 year old does in a calendar year; it borderlines on obsessive compulsive. But being OCD is what all bodybuilders can relate to. In our own little short bus kind of way, we’re all completely nuts.
When we go on vacation we can’t just pack a bag, book a flight and hotel room, and off we go. We have to plan! “I’ll be gone 5 days so that’s 5 regular shirts, 5 gym shirts, extra underwear and socks, strategically saved ‘my strong day’ for the first day at the gym so everyone can see me lift more than anyone else, should I pack my supplements with my clothes or in another bag?” Then there’s the food. “What am I going to do about food? Should I precook all my meals and put them in Tupperware, no that’s too bulky, plastic bags it is. Five days gone so I’ll cook 4 chicken meals per day, 10 ounces each in Zip Lock bags, but will they let me on the plane with the food? I need to save at least 1 bag of chicken for at the airport because I don’t want to be starving on the plane. I guess the other days I’ll just order something out.” And we can’t just sit in a regular seat. “It has to be an exit row seat. Aisle seating would work too, but I just trained legs and my knees are aching and the tray table won’t rest flat because my quads are too big. Oh and don’t even think about taking the middle seat you fat ass old lady I will eye gouge you and drop a huge protein fart without thinking twice about it.” And just the thought of vacation alone gives me anxiety. “Once I’m there I can’t be out doing something that makes me go longer than 3 hours without eating. Don’t make me be too active, insert hiking, kayaking, skiing, and scuba diving, I might burn too many calories which would lead me to have less energy at the gym later.” No wonder my idea of a vacation is going to the Olympia and Arnold Expo.
The bodybuilders OCD goes beyond vacations. I can’t even go to the movie with my girlfriend without having to sit on the left side aisle to stretch out my arthritic knees. And oh wait, I’m on a keto diet, guess that means I’ll have to eat my fajitas at Chili’s without the tortilla. And before we even get to dinner I’ve got to have a chicken meal before I leave the house so I’ve pre-exhausted my appetite. What’s worse is these weird bodybuilder quirks are so normal that we forget we do them in public. I’ll never forget when I saw “Raising the Bar” the first time. Dave Pulcinella at a family dinner and they all look at him as though he’s an alien from another planet. After all, there’s a reason “The 6 Foods That Work” has almost 400,000 YouTube views, whether you’re Jay Cutler or just a gym guy, we’re all in the same spectrum of weirdness. Evan Centopani won’t eat from a plastic Tupperware, it has to be glassware because somehow the plastic will contaminate him more than the tren? Hmm, sure thing Ev.
And how do you know we’re weird? Go to Christmas or a Fourth of July outing with your family and they’ll tell you. My Mom still thinks I’m nuts for eating on schedule, going to the gym on Christmas, and having the same exact meal, 6 times per day for nearly half my life. Ok, the last one is a bit of a stretch, but you get the point. Our families just do not understand what and why, we do what we do.
The madness continues, I’ve watched nearly every Jay Cutler, Kai Greene, Ronnie Coleman, Phil Heath, and Zhasni Bodybuilding Motivational YouTube video known to man – especially preworkout while I’m sipping on Jack3d or NO Xplode. Yeah don’t lie, you all have too! I can’t understand how my girlfriend can go all day without taking a shit and I am on the pot 5 times a day. Ironically I’ve heard Guy Cisternino writes down in his journal the smell and texture of each dump – true story. I can’t figure out why watching Broke Back Mountain is gay, but watching bodybuilding and men’s physique isn’t. And why do I go through a skillet every 6 months, but my grandma has had the same one her entire life?
Bodybuilder OCD is what makes bodybuilding special. It’s what separates us. I know I’m weird, but at least I know I’m not alone.
Justin Compton- Heavyweight
Justin Compton came back to Nationals this year with fifteen additional pounds of conditioned muscle, and I believe that will be enough to win the heavyweight class… and possibly the whole show. Last year Justin emailed me for my critique because I wrote in the play-by-play that he has tons of potential, but his excessive sweating cost him dearly. Lucky for Justin he was able to hold off the sweating till the very last moment this year!
At a very young 24 years old Justin has tons of muscle for any age. I asked Justin if he always knew he was genetically blessed to be able to gain muscle, and he told me, “I started lifting weights when I was 15, and I bloomed really fast. I blew up. I was the biggest guy in high school, so I knew I had good genetics for this.”
Justin tells me that he is interested in things that not every bodybuilder would be. He definitely isn’t a hermit. When I asked Justin what he did for a living I was surprised to hear that he is a mortgage loan officer. “I sit at a desk, so I get time eat, air conditioning! I get picked on a little for being so big!”
